“Self-confidence: /ˌsɛlfˈkɒnfɪd(ə)ns/ noun: a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities and judgement; synonyms: morale, belief in oneself, positiveness, composure, nerve, poise, presence” and good sexual life, I must add.
I was never jealous. I mean, of course I was paying attention to anything moving around him, but not in an obsessive posessive way (yes, this actually can happen), more in the “I like to be informed” way.
We were in a two-week relationship, everything was great (please read The sex was great) and his birthday came. No, I’m sorry, when I said the sex was great, I wasn’t doing any justice. It was marvellous, spontaneous and perfect, everything matching, it was like our bodies and minds knew each other from previous lives, we were in an extraterestrial sexual bond. Otherwise, everything was dull and sort of unclassy. He was smart, successful, but way too arrogant and superior for my taste. Maybe that’s why we were sparkling in bed. I don’t know.
But I do know that at this birthday party, I realised all about self-confidence in a relationship. You know those moments when you ask him why is that tall brunette checking him out like she knows him from before and he tells you he had enough with your lack of self-confidence and self-esteem? Well, honey, it’s not you. Nor him, somehow. It’s the bad sex you’re having.
Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature. MARILYN MONROE
You are magic
Don’t ever apologize for the fire in you!
At his birthday party, which was not actually a party but a night out in the club with some of his friends, something kind of embarrasing but magical happened. He had just ended a relationship days before he met me and it seemed that the woman didn’t quite accepted the break-up so, in a desperate love gesture, she showed up at his party. I knew who she was because he had told me before that his ex-grilfriend texted him and it is possible she came up anytime. I didn’t even ask how did she know we were there, why didn’t he told her to leave him alone…I just smiled and continued my frenetic dance.
What surprised me the most was my reaction, more to say, my lack of reaction: I didn’t feel anything, no trace of anger, jealousy or trouble. I was as serene as I never thought I could be in a situation like this. But I was and I kind of enjoyed the ridiculous moments of her trying to show him her best dancing moves, getting terribly drunk and trying to push me away from me.I didn’t make any gesture, continously smiling I ignored him, who was so ashamed and frustrated and her, who was hopeless.
How did i do this? How did my body manage to stay calm, how could my face still smile and my hands still dance? You may say that my self-confidence level was astronomical and it may had been in that moment, but otherwise, I was a normal woman, with questions about myself and my body, with insecurities and vulnerabilities. But the fact that I knew how much our bodies were connected by that strong sexual power made me not care anymore about the possibility of him leaving with her. I was so sure he wouldn’t do that, everybody knows what good sex does to men, so why bother be angry and chase her away? Moreover, my relaxed, careless and smiling attitude made him want me even more, we all know “calm women” are hard to find, right? :))
Studies suggest that sexual activity may corelate with increased satisfaction with your mental health, improved ability to perceive, identify and express emotions, increased levels of trust, intimacy and love in your relationship, lessened use of your immature psychological defense mechanism or the mental processes to reduce distress from emotional conflict.
All in all, I am not saying you should totally rely on increasing your self-confidence by searching for good sex, but, in a relationship, this is the main means of being sure of one another. Of course, it is not enough, but I think it is worth mentioning when fighting over another woman or another man.